


Ruminations

by mktoronto



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-26
Updated: 2005-08-26
Packaged: 2018-09-28 14:03:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10111832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mktoronto/pseuds/mktoronto
Summary: Separation gives one time to think.





	1. Deanna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the Enterprise, waiting for someone to come home...

I stare at the holo for the umpteenth time. At times like these I really hate Starfleet.

It's only been a couple of weeks, but it feels like forever.

It's funny how you miss the little things you never really think about - his smile, the way his brows knit in concentration, the fire in his eyes when he confidently makes a decision.

Those eyes. One could get lost forever in those eyes. I have - many times. Especially when they have that look he reserves just for me. That look that sets fire to my heart and sends a bright light to overload my senses. That look that turns me into a puddle of goo, desperate for his touch, needing to be merged into one entity, one life, one soul. That look that tell tells me he loves me with everything he is.

I look away from the holo. Better not dwell on that. It's not good for either this longing or my libido.

He's only been gone for a few weeks. I know couples who are assigned on different ships and are lucky to see each other every six months. I really shouldn't complain.

Hell yes I should. I'm a daughter of the fifth house and if my mother gets to complain about everything I should be allowed to complain about this. I want to rail at the universe for the injustice of sending him off to be heroic so soon after we finally went past the fear and became the true partners we were always meant to be. It's not fair!

He could have his pick of women - and has - and yet he chose me to share his soul. He didn't realize it at the time, of course. It's a weird feeling - I take it as my due yet am completely humbled by it at the same time. We challenge each other and in the process both of us became so much more than if we had never met. Would I even be here if not for him? I doubt it. I would have stayed on Betazed and led a fulfilling life as a daughter of the Fifth House and would have never had gone out on this grand adventure where I've been privileged to meet so many people from different worlds, all working together to create a better galaxy.

It amazes me sometimes, how much he believes in me. Not as a woman and a friend, but as a fellow officer. I remember him pushing me to do better and his pride when I passed the command test. How he refused to let me give up when I lost my empathic sense. The way he relies on my impressions on away missions. The strength he draws from me sharing the bridge with him...

Wait. Is that...

It is him! It's faint, he must still be far out, but I'd know that presence anywhere. Finally.

I look back at the holo and allow myself to be caught in those beautiful blue eyes as a sigh comes from deep in my soul...

Welcome home, Imzadi.


	2. Will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shuttle returning to the Enterprise...

At times like these I really hate Starfleet.

Don't get me wrong. I've chosen this life, I love it and I'm good at it. But could the timing of this mission possibly been worse?

I finally, after all this time, after all the trials, the mistakes, the uncertainties, have my heart's desire. And then Starfleet sends me away on this long mission.

Deanna. My beautiful Deanna. It feels so good to say that, to say that she is mine. I sometimes think I'm going to burst from the pride of it. She is a beautiful woman but her greatest beauty is the radiance that shines out from her soul. And that soul belongs to me. The awe, the wonder of that, is something I hope I'll never lose.

This away mission seemed like forever. It was almost impossible to concentrate because I missed her so much. I'm so glad I'm on my way home.

Going home. Still seems strange saying it, even though I haven't felt like a drifter for a very long time. But I can still remember being that scared, abandoned boy trapped in a man's body. Then I met Deanna and I found home. And it terrified me. At least, that's the only explanation I can find for why I hurt her so much on our first go around.

I don't know what gods brought her back into my life but they have my eternal gratitude. They waited until I had grown up enough that I could take a step back and really get to know her as a person, as a trusted friend.

But that final step still terrified me. I've faced down the Borg, stood up to misguided admirals, risked everything for a woman I barely knew, yet I was still afraid to give myself to the one who held my soul. She waited so patiently as I flailed about, trying to find my bearings in the sea of emotions I found myself in.

It took me a while but I finally found that nerve. I gave her my soul and received hers in return. I think I got the better end of the deal.

Sigh.

Can't this shuttle go any faster?

I've learned so much from her. I'm a better officer because she taught me to see and think in different ways. I no longer madly race towards the future but appreciate where I am. I've become so much more because she looked down to the core of my being and brought out what was waiting to be discovered. I...

...Deanna?

Welcome home, Imzadi.

It's faint, but it's her!

I let thoughts of her encompass my entire being and I send it all to her. She returns it to me tenfold.

My soul smiles.

Yes, I have to find those gods and thank them.


End file.
